OK. Let’s get back on track here. My one man pity party is done. I think it’s just good to get those things out sometimes. Not trying to bring anybody down.
Got lots of workouts in and made some progress toward a work goal. Still a long way to go in both areas, but a step is a step.
I think what started it all for me is that I’m really worried about things that I have no control over and when something else comes up I think that must be the other shoe dropping and the wheels are about to come off. It’s just a pattern of behavior and thinking with me. I don’t seem to be able to just let good enough be… well… you know. So when tiny things started happening that were bad… a bad week of nutrition because I was at conferences, my equipment starting to fail (goggles broke, interrupting a swim. Bike shorts sprouted holes X 3 in the same week) and lingering frustration at not losing more weight all sent me back into that spiral of negative thinking which always used to end up with me hiding in the dark eating a whole pizza and drinking a six pack. My mind said “Oh boy, here we go again.” When it was really nothing.
I started repairing the ship shortly after I posted my tale of woe yesterday by giving myself a “suck it up” talking to. The food at conference was nobody’s fault but my own. I CHOSE the food I ate even when I knew better. My goggles were 2 years old and ready to be replaced. My bike shorts were (yes all of them) older than my children (and my son is 14!). It’s amazing they lasted that long. My wife is feeling better again. It’s cool. It’s all good.
Then I decided to go finish some of what I had started. I put in an hour of spinning on the trainer and made a few adjustments to the bike. The interrupted swim got finished with my backup goggles. I ran 5.5 at Rock bridge this morning and it was a comfortable, beautiful run with good company. And it was 15 seconds per mile faster than usual. I did a group workout where we ran all of the stairs at 9 of the parking garages downtown. It felt really good, even after the Rock Bridge run. And I lost a pound and a half so I’m down to 191. I have one week to lose slightly more than one pound so that I can meet my biggest loser goal of getting below 190 during the BL competition.
See. It’s all good.
Yes, those feelings about food are still there. They always will be. But like any feeling, it’s all about how I choose to react to them. Can I say that I will always eat good for the rest of my life and never have another beloved Guinness? No. Will that be a failure? It depends. In some ways yes because I really don’t need it and it’s a crutch when I am weak. But it could also be a reward for accomplishing something. A half marathon? An olympic distance tri? A half iron? Another marathon? An ultra? All on my radar. Maybe a pizza and a Guinness is my carrot… It’s cheaper than a new car… 😉