I remember I used to say that it would be nice to just have a year where NOTHING happened. Good, bad or otherwise. I was speaking selfishly about MY life… cuz it is all about me… but I have reduced that request down now to a week, and now just a day. I crave stability, peace and silence. For 24 hours. That’s all. Too much to ask?
Yeah, I know. I have a life, kids, a job… get over it.
Yesterday, as I pointed out, was tough. It was SOOO hard to say no and I was so weak of character and constitution. I was pretty disappointed in myself, even though I didn’t do anything wrong. Is that weird? I did NOT drink. I did NOT overeat or eat junk… but I wanted to so bad it ruined my day. I even exercised very well. I did all the right things and still sucked. In my mind anyway.
So let’s talk about today. I got up, not feeling much better. Immediately bailed on my scheduled trail run at Rock Bridge (a run I treasure, by the way) because I knew the rains had made a mess of the trails. And cold, wet and muddy sounded like a triple dose of piss me off, so I had a cup of coffee and pouted. Thank the gods my family wasn’t up to have to put up with my suffering.
By the time they woke up I had reconciled to go for a long run if the weather improved and, according to the weather report, that’s just what it was supposed to do. That, and fixing a pesky problem with my internet connection, brightened my spirits a bit. I decided to run around lunch time and that’s when I got my first gift. The sun came out and it was beautiful. Light breeze, about 50, sky so blue it hurt. The next gift was the actual run. I haven’t felt that good in a long time. I ran 11.4 miles. The longest run of the year so far. A mileage I didn’t achieve until September of last year. I could have run for another 10 miles. Sparing the details, let’s just say I had to talk myself down from a 15 mile run to the 11 that I ran. It sounded something like “Yes. You feel great. But this is an out and back course. You feel great at mile 5. If you go 7.5 out, you know miles 13-15 are gonna suck.” So I gave in. The beautiful part is I feel like I am ready to do any distance (reasonable distances please… and no, a full Iron is NOT reasonable) this year already and I don’t even have a bike. I’m uncomfortable with this kind of euphoria, especially after how I felt yesterday. I’m clearly going bipolar… *sigh*
After my awesome run, I headed to the local running store to do my weigh in for the biggest loser competition our tri club is hosting. I was at 197 and change last week and was pretty sure I was lower, but not by much. But the scale said 193… The final gift of the day.
I consider myself a pretty stable person for the most part. My Irish gets up on rare occasions and I admit that, but for the most part I roll with it. I have never been this emotional about or obsessed about losing weight or eating right. It was always something I either HAD to do (diet) or something I SHOULD be doing for some nebulous healthy lifestyle goal. Why I’m taking it so serious this time… I don’t know. Last time I lost weight (yes, I’ve done this before… down to 178 two years ago) I said it was for my family. So I could be healthy and grow old active with them. But it can’t be about doing this for anyone else. I have to do this for me. They will get the reward anyway. But until I get the reward it won’t stick. I got rewarded today for my hard work. And it felt damn good. Time to move on. 190 next week?
Weight: 193lb (down 4lb for the week)