And now, how about that reward.

I remember I used to say that it would be nice to just have a year where NOTHING happened.  Good, bad or otherwise.  I was speaking selfishly about MY life…  cuz it is all about me… but I have reduced that request down now to a week, and now just a day.  I crave stability, peace and silence.  For 24 hours.  That’s all.  Too much to ask?

Yeah, I know.  I have a life, kids, a job… get over it.

Yesterday, as I pointed out, was tough.  It was SOOO hard to say no and I was so weak of character and constitution.  I was pretty disappointed in myself, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.  Is that weird?  I did NOT drink.  I did NOT overeat or eat junk… but I wanted to so bad it ruined my day.  I even exercised very well.  I did all the right things and still sucked.  In my mind anyway.

So let’s talk about today.  I got up, not feeling much better.  Immediately bailed on my scheduled trail run at Rock Bridge (a run I treasure, by the way) because I knew the rains had made a mess of the trails.  And cold, wet and muddy sounded like a triple dose of piss me off, so I had a cup of coffee and pouted.  Thank the gods my family wasn’t up to have to put up with my suffering.

By the time they woke up I had reconciled to go for a long run if the weather improved and, according to the weather report, that’s just what it was supposed to do.  That, and fixing a pesky problem with my internet connection, brightened my spirits a bit.  I decided to run around lunch time and that’s when I got my first gift.  The sun came out and it was beautiful.  Light breeze, about 50, sky so blue it hurt.  The next gift was the actual run.  I haven’t felt that good in a long time.  I ran 11.4 miles.  The longest run of the year so far.  A mileage I didn’t achieve until September of last year.  I could have run for another 10 miles.  Sparing the details, let’s just say I had to talk myself down from a 15 mile run to the 11 that I ran.  It sounded something like “Yes.  You feel great.  But this is an out and back course.  You feel great at mile 5.  If you go 7.5 out, you know miles 13-15 are gonna suck.”  So I gave in.  The beautiful part is I feel like I am ready to do any distance (reasonable distances please… and no, a full Iron is NOT reasonable) this year already and I don’t even have a bike.  I’m uncomfortable with this kind of euphoria, especially after how I felt yesterday.  I’m clearly going bipolar… *sigh*

After my awesome run, I headed to the local running store to do my weigh in for the biggest loser competition our tri club is hosting.  I was at 197 and change last week and was pretty sure I was lower, but not by much.  But the scale said 193…  The final gift of the day.

I consider myself a pretty stable person for the most part.  My Irish gets up on rare occasions and I admit that, but for the most part I roll with it.  I have never been this emotional about or obsessed about losing weight or eating right.  It was always something I either HAD to do (diet) or something I SHOULD be doing for some nebulous healthy lifestyle goal.  Why I’m taking it so serious this time… I don’t know.  Last time I lost weight (yes, I’ve done this before… down to 178 two years ago) I said it was for my family.  So I could be healthy and grow old active with them.  But it can’t be about doing this for anyone else.  I have to do this for me.  They will get the reward anyway.  But until I get the reward it won’t stick. I got rewarded today for my hard work.  And it felt damn good.  Time to move on.  190 next week?

Weight: 193lb (down 4lb for the week)

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