The demotivation factor

The post race season letdown I have been feeling since October just doesn’t seem to be going away.  I think it is because of a couple of things.  First, I had a fairly successful first season of triathlon.  Not world beating by any means, but I improved in every area and my times (and especially my weight!) came down as the year progressed.  Second, this was my first season back after a disastrous 2008 in which I COULDN’T exercise for nearly 7 months due to an injury.  The excitement and anticipation I felt starting in January was wonderful and I guess I’m coming down off the high a bit.

Since October I have only wanted to run.  I love it, missed not doing as much of it and it has really been the only thing to motivate me to get off the couch.  I have only been swimming sporadically, can NOT motivate myself to get up early to go to the pool… and am really just putting in mileage right now.  I don’t have a focus for my swim workouts, I’m just trying not to lose anything.  As for the bike… It still has all the red mud on the tires I picked up at Redman.  I haven’t been back on it once.  The only biking I have done is on a mountain bike. 

I have struggled to come to grips with why I don’t love the bike.  I have always been an avid cyclist, riding mountain bikes, road bikes and even recumbents.  When I am ON the bike, I enjoy it.  But I really struggle with motivation.  I did manage to borrow another trainer for the cold winter months but even that, as convenient as it is, seems to matter little.

I really just want to run.  Even though I know that it is the worst of the three sports for me, physically.

And the hell of it is, I KNOW that if I train next year as well as I did this year, I can do a half Ironman next fall.  I already have the swim and run distances down.  It’s just that stupid bike leg…

I think a part of it is that I know that my current bike, although fine for short distance triathlons like the sprints I did last year, is just not made for “sport” racing.  I made some changes to it to make it more race friendly, but it’s a commuter/cyclocross bike.  It’s just not made to handle longer, harder distances like a dedicated triathlon bike is.  Since the reality is that I just don’t have the cash for even a decent entry level triathlon bike (no, I don’t want a used bike… sorry.), I’m struggling trying to convince myself that the training will do any good.  I know my bike won’t make it another season and, since I can’t afford another one, that nagging little voice in the back of my mind just wonders why I should bother…

Now I will be using the old bike to commute to work in the spring and I’m looking at doing some spin classes and other bike related activities, but since I don’t know when or if I will get a new bike, I don’t want to sign up for any races.  The only race I am seriously considering so far is a half marathon in June.  Other than that, I got nothing…

I really don’t want to lose the motivation I felt throughout this past year.  I can feel me sliding back down the path of less exercise and more eating and I am already very worried.  I’m really not interested in losing the same 25 pounds I lost last year again next year!  But I’m still searching for my spark.  I’m looking for something to push me and challenge me.  Right now I just see barriers.

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