Switched my run schedule a bit to accommodate some time with friends this evening. It’s funny… My main worry when being around friends used to be keeping my foot out of my mouth. I have long since given up on that (since I just love the taste of my shoes) and now my first thought when they asked us to go out with them…? Where we were going to go eat. And, more importantly, if I could keep from binging or eating crap… It’s a sad new obsession… I’m actually almost AFRAID to eat out anymore because 1.) I don’t know what’s in the food and, 2.) I’m afraid I won’t be able to control my urge to get the biggest, highest calorie, fattest, juiciest, tastiest, most decadent thing(s) on the menu.
…I’ll have two soda crackers and a packet of equal please… *sigh*
It’s obvious that I don’t trust myself. In fact, I freely admit that my worst enemy when it comes to my battle with food is myself and my own deeply entrenched, extremely poor eating habits.
Sometimes I think my system is still in shock from all the healthy food I’m putting in it. Last night it rebelled in one of my first true cravings in a long time. I was doing dishes and I suddenly got this nearly overwhelming desire to run to Starbuck’s and get a Venti add shot Mocha (that’s FOUR shots of espresso for the uninitiated) and one of those HUGE brownies. This quickly slid back to just the brownie and I nearly ripped the kitchen apart trying to find sugar. Finally, my darling wife pulled out her stash of super dark chocolate and rationed me off a tiny piece. As I looked at it, I though “this isn’t enough to feed a mouse”, but the funny thing was, as soon as I ate it, the craving went away.
I also seem to be wanting more fresh veggies. If my mother heard this, I don’t think her ol’ ticker could take it… She tried to get me to eat vegetables for 20 years and finally gave up. Now, I WANT them. Greek food sounds really good to me now. Not the greasy stuff, but the sauces, pita bread, etc. I think I’m having a core meltdown…