Jekyll and Hyde

Distance: 6.2 mi

Miles to go: 1596

Yet another entry in the Runner’s Lounge Take It And Run Thursday…

I can’t think of a better metaphor for my year in running than the title suggests.  The first half of my year was filled with the nefarious Mr. Hyde.  For the first 5 months of this year, any time I even had a positive thought about running, he would jump from the shadows and beat me down.  Indeed, we even experienced a damp, soggy, Londonesque spring in which even if I had felt good, I couldn’t have run anyway.  I actually wondered at one point if my running career would end up as the book did, with Jekyll (me) slowly succumbing to the fact that he would soon turn into Mr. Hyde for good (the lazy, whining, couch potato I used to be).

But luckily for me, so far anyway, the second half of the year has me re-writing the ending (apologies to Stephenson) of this book with Dr. Jekyll finding the missing ingredient and making more of the potion that keeps him from turning into Mr. Hyde.  And what was that ingredient?

Patience.

I’m not going to paint a Pollyanna picture of the next six months.  I know I still have a long way to go.  Even today I am tired, sore and wondering if I’m going to be able to handle that 10 miler on Saturday.  Right now… I don’t wanna…  But I will say that the clouds have broken a bit for me in the last month.  I am setting goals again, getting a little faster each week, and starting to look for races to run in again.  Something I couldn’t even conceive of 3 months ago.

Right now, my biggest goal is simply just to run.  And keep running… pain free.  It would be nice to get another 500 miles in between now and the end of the year, but I’ll take what I can get as long as it’s under my own power.  If I can do that all the way to the end of the year then I will say I had a great second half.

Pleasure and Pain

Distance: 3.5 mi (Traknight)

Miles to go: 1602

How sadistic do we runners have to be to enjoy the pain of a hard workout…? I don’t mean, like a “turn on” enjoy, but it does feel good to push yourself to your limits and then just a teeny bit further. The “pain” for me tonight was 1 X 1200, 3 X 400, 3 X 300 and then a nasty little 4 man mile relay in which, because of the offset (you have to think about this a bit) you end up running 2 X 100 and 1 X 200 in an effort to try to beat the 4 minute mile. This all came at the END of a workout in which I pushed all my times down by 5 seconds. Damn near killed me… Yep… Light headed… Queasy… Delirious… The whole shebang… It was beautiful. The pleasure?  Although I was all of the above… I didn’t hurt… heh! The only things that “hurt” were the things that are SUPPOSED to hurt when you run hard. You know… lungs… legs… pride… ego…

It also helped that the remnants of hurricane Dolly finally moseyed out of town (ANOTHER 3.5 inches of rain… that’s over 10 inches of rain in 11 days). I think I saw a big boat with pairs of animals in it… I think it was captained by some old guy in a robe…

weird…

The bad news is the flooding has destroyed portions of our beloved MKT trail. The good news, for today, was that when we ran it was only 73 degrees because the cloud cover and rain kept the temps down. Punishment comes this weekend when the temperatures are predicted in the mid to upper 90’s… But today wasn’t bad for a July 30th in middle America. I guess the other good news is that we are looking at a week of rain free days. That hasn’t happened since, like, last November… Last year at this time we were begging for rain. Now it seems we squint and cower when confronted with that big, bright, thingy that comes out once a week or so and makes everything steamy. I think it’s a star of some sort… Legend says it makes things grow. I guess they’re talking about mold and moss and stuff…

There’s a flash flood warning in my shoes…

Distance: 6.2 mi

Miles to go: 1606

I think I can now say with some confidence that I will at least get 500 miles in this year.  My guess is that with the pace I am currently on (30 Mi/wk) I should just break the 1000 mile mark for the year.  Given the fact that I was off for the first 5 months of the year, I guess that’s not bad.  I’m pretty sure that I will be increasing my mileage as I feel better and better (I already have, a little) so the potential to get to, say 1200 miles this year does exist.  So why am I leaving the miles to go at the 2000 benchmark?  I don’t know… Lazy?  Still a bit frustrated…?  Actually, I just want to keep track.  That way, at the end of the year, I will know how much I missed by.  And depending on how I feel… Maybe I will add it to next year…

Columbia has already had more rain this year than we had all of last year.  When it rains, it comes in buckets.  The last two storms have dumped 2.25 and an incredible 4.5 inches respectively.  Six inches of rain in 8 days.  This has done two things.  First, the trails are starting to flood.  Something NEVER seen around here.  Second, even when it doesn’t rain, the humidity is in the high 90s.  This, coupled with morning temperatures in the low 70s means that even when it’s not raining, I’m still drenched.  If the water I wring out of my shirt at the end of each run equated to weight loss, I would weight about 17 pounds right now.

I can’t stop in one spot for too long after I’m done running or I start to rain on my own shoes.  Pretty disgusting.  But, that’s all part and parcel of living in the midwest.  The gorgeous spring and fall seasons come at a price, it’s called summer.  I can’t complain.  I don’t think I will ever get completely used to the heat and humidity combo (and remember, I grew up in Oklahoma, which is hotter), but it won’t last long and I’ll be diving in the back of the closet for the jackets again.  Until then, I sweat… and wish it was melting fat instead of water I was losing…

Into (literally) and out of (figuratively) the fog…

Distance: 8.75mi

Miles to go: 1612

OK… There’s muggy… and then there was this…  How does 72 degrees and dense fog sound…  It was beautiful though.  Tropical… but beautiful.  All the rivers around here are at max capacity (we got 6 inches of rain in just under 72 hours this week) so those little babbling brooks I’m used to running by are now class 4 rapids and are the color of a nice chai latte…  eeeewwwww.

I was bound and determined to just cruise today.  I ran 10 last week and it hurt.  All I wanted to do was take a nap.  Today there were two pace groups, one at about 8 and one at about 9:30.  I chose wisely and went with the 9:30 group.  They were all running long today, between 15 and 20 miles so they were slow, which worked great for me.  As we rolled up to the turn where they went left for another 10 miles or so, I turned right (secretly not feeling bad at all for not running the extra mileage…!) and headed back up the trail to town and my finish line.  When I got there… a funny thing happened.

I didn’t hurt.

At all.

Anywhere.

So I waited.  And I sat down (expecting to seize up like a rusty motor).

Still… Nothing.

So in another one of those “well… duh!” runners moments, I experienced infinite wisdom… “Hmmm… run easy, feel good… Run hard… hurt…”  “OHHHH… I get it!!!”  And, amazingly, I still have energy and am ready to tackle the next kitchen project, undercounter lighting!  …I’m such a moron… Somebody should take my running shoes away from me before I hurt myself…

No.  I’m not going to go back to 5-6 days a week running.  No.  I’m not going to run a marathon any time soon.  No.  I don’t plan on beating 21 minutes for the 5K this year.

However…

Yes.  Those things will come.  Yes, I think I have finally turned the corner.  Yes, I’m ready for my “Well, that was stupid” bead and shall repent my “pushed too hard, too fast after an injury” sin to all my running brethren…

Yes… I feel OK again… And this time, it’s for real.

Just a thought

I, personally, have never believed in supplements, choosing instead to achieve balance in my diet by eating the right things.  I experimented with supplements in the past had results that ranged from nill to negative, so I just dumped the whole idea.

There is one supplement, however, that I must admit I have had much success with.  I had stopped taking Glucosamine for the joint pain I know is associated with arthritis.  Another unfortunate side effect of getting old…  But this most recent round of pain and woe had me searching for SOMETHING to supplement the mounds of Advil and Tylenol I was taking to dull the pain.  In desperation, I remembered Glucosamine and the bottle I used to have had in the cabinet.  After a frantic search, I realized it was gone so I whined about it to my darling, wonderful wife who, the very next morning, presented me with a 60 day supply.  She is wonderful.

I have only been taking it for 4 days and I have noticed a SIGNIFICANT improvement.  I no longer have pain going up and down stairs, my ankles feel better and don’t rattle as much when I walk.  Even my back feels better.  I just don’t think this is a coincidence.  Maybe it’s psychological, but I don’t think that is the case either.  For me, anyway, this stuff just works.

I know that the “studies” published about Glucosamine have met with mixed results.  The most favorable of them suggests that Glucosamine may work in some cases, but only for those with severe pain to begin with.  Perhaps that is me and I just didn’t know it.  In any case, I don’t hurt today for the first time in months…  It may not be because of the Glucosamine.  My body may just finally be getting back into shape.  But I don’t think so…

A tough place to be

Distance: 8.5 mi

Miles to go: 1621

My depressing entry into the Take it and run Thursday at the Runner’s Lounge.

There is nothing, in my opinion, tougher for any athlete to deal with than overcoming an injury.  There is no blacker, lonlier time than that spent waiting, watching everyone else competing and getting better, experiencing the joy of running.  For me anyway, this hurt as much as the injury.

See, this time last year I was training for a marathon.  On one hot and humid day I was running down some obscure trail, grinding through the doldrums of summer runs that seemed to drag on, meaningless and void of purpose.  I felt a twinge in a very personal spot.  I wrote it off as a muscle cramp due to dehydration, but it got so bad that I had to eventually stop and then walk the 4 miles back to the truck.  At first, it was transient, coming and going randomly.  But eventually the pain began to accompany all of my runs up to, including, and after my marathon.  The best way to describe it is like being kicked in the groin every step for 26 miles.

I took some time off after the marathon and then began refocus on my next goal, to get under 22 minutes for the 5K.  What would be my “last” run was a 22:30 5K, 3 weeks after the marathon.  I remember thinking during the run that 22 minutes was in easy reach.  But as soon as I crossed the finish line, I felt this intense pain that would not go away.

Four months of darkness ensued (not helped by the fact it was winter, which is usually a depressing time anyway…).  It took almost a month of poking and prodding my personal spaces before an MRI revealed a stress fracture in the small connector between the two halves of the pelvis.  My doctor, a noted sports specialist in this area, even admitted this was the first time he had seen this particular injury in a male.  It’s mostly a female running injury (read: I run like a girl… Which is a COMPLIMENT… around here, chicks rule!!).  The only cure was to do absolutely NOTHING for four months.  Not even a cast to sign…

In my infinite idiocy, I would push this from time to time when I thought I was feeling better.  It is clear now that if I hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have been off those extra two months.

But I was desperate.  I still am.  I needed a positive.  A fix.  Something to keep those “just quit” demons out of my head.  I really wanted to give up.  And, from time to time, I still do.

I think I am getting better, but I’m running wrong now and I know it.  I limp. I protect my legs/hips/pelvis too much and because of this my knees hurt now and so does my ankle.  It seems like one thing after another is failing on my body and it honestly has me wondering how much longer I will physically BE ABLE to run.  At some point I have to be honest with myself and admit this may be hurting more than helping.  That day hasn’t come yet but I already fear it worse than death.

To step away from all of this is hard.  To “hover over it and be rational” is even harder.  I know the doctor said it could take up to a year for me to fully heal.  I have backed off to 4 days a week running and I now ride my bike to work (10 miles) a couple of days a week.  I have to believe this is enough and that eventually I will be better and can resume a full schedule.  The bigger picture is that I need to be careful… cautious… go slow.  Enjoy each day that I CAN run and not worry on the days I hurt too much.  But I’ve never been rational about this.  I still feel trapped and frustrated and depressed.

I think this place, the mental game you play to stay alive when you get hurt, is the toughest place for a runner to be.  And, unfortunately, I have no pearls of wisdom to impart on you.  It sucks.  All I can say is go easy and do what your doctor says or the suckage will be extended exponentially.  There is no cross training for mental toughness.  There is no easy fix for runners withdrawal.  And each time you “recover” you have to start over.

This wasn’t meant to be depressing, but I guess it is.  If you have never had a serious injury, congratulations.  if you want one, I have a couple extras I could share with you.  I certainly don’t want them anymore.

The medal of stupid

Distance: 10 mi

Miles to go: 1630

If they gave medals for stupidity, I would have a chest full of them.  Actually, our illustrious beadmaster has a special bead he awards to runners who choose the path of least common sense.  He calls it the “WELL… that was stupid” bead.  It is awarded to runners who,  instead of choosing to “live to fight another day” when faced with an injury or other adversity (say… running during a TORNADO WARNING… yes, it has been documented… and, no, not by me…) choose to stay the course… almost always with negative consequences.  They are only awarded the bead when they admit their stupidity openly and repent (or, at least suffer the good natured abuse of the group).

I did a quick count of the number of beads I should have and, in the 2 years I have been running, I can already count 12 incidents in which a rational person would have chosen a completely different path.  Things like darting out in traffic like a maniacal squirrel in an effort to beat a light, or running 20 miles in 90 degree heat/humidity, or eating bad chinese food the night before a big race… You get the point.

Some of these idiotic choices have immediate consequences (you get hit by a car).  Others don’t show themselves fully for quite some time (bad chinese food).  And some… well… you’re just not sure.

What the hell is he talking about….

In my saga of one injury after another, I have become fed up.  I don’t care if I hurt.  I don’t care if I’m slow.  I don’t care…  I just wanna run so that I feel like I am actually DOING something for myself.  Since my pelvis is finally, truly and honestly feeling better, I can confidently start to build a plan to get me back to a decent fitness level.  And damn the torpedos… I’m gonna do it.

So when my left achilles gave me a twinge at the end of last week, I ignored it.  When it began to burn and feel tight during my runs, I ignored it.  And finally, when it seemed that it was going to hurt all the time and I really needed to take it easy on it, I ignored it.  Why?  Because I’m tired of excuses and I was really thinking that this was psychological.

That being said, of course I got up this morning and ran 10 miles (for only the second time in 6 months) even though that achilles burned the whole time.  Why?  Because I’m stupid…  After an hour on ice and 4 extra strength Tylenol I can at least walk on it again but I’m very glad that I’m not running again until Tuesday morning.  Hey… at least it will give me time to polish up my medal…

…and how ironic that my pelvis doesn’t hurt AT ALL…  hmm…

Belching Fritos

Distance: 3.5 mi (yesterday), 6.6 mi

Miles to go: 1640

OK dammit… So I was driving home yesterday at a dead sprint.  Yes, I may indeed have been breaking the speed limit.  But I had to do an inservice in a town about 2 hours away from Columbia and I got out at about 3:30.  Traknight started at 5:30…  I knew I hadn’t eaten enough during the day and I would be starving and out of energy at the run so I stopped in to get some caffeine and a snack to hold me over.  Of all the gawdawful things I could have gotten, for some unexplained reason my body said… Fritos Scoops…

…I have no idea…

I got back in the car, cracked open the Mountain Dew and ripped the bag open.  The smell was wonderful… and then immediately nauseating.  Still I couldn’t help myself so I grabbed one and popped it in my mouth.  Deliciously greasy, yet salty and crunchy at the same time.  Then my body said “eat another one of those and I will hit the reverse button…

…got it… no more Scoops…

I then spent the rest of the drive home AND the entire boiling hot run belching that one Frito’s Scoop…

…am I just old?  What happened to the iron stomach of my youth?  Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life eating Wonder Bread (plain… from the middle out… of course) and Geritol shakes?

I absolutely can not eat ANYTHING within 2 hours of a run without consequences ranging from uncomfortable to OHMYGAWDIGOTTAFINDABATHROOMNOW!!  This is ridiculous.

Not that you really care about my tummy troubles… but it IS my blog…

The run this morning was a tempo run (unencumbered by GI concerns) and for the first time in 6 months… I ran it AS a tempo run.  How weird is that.  I almost forgot how…  I actually managed to get miles 4 and 5 were 7:50 pace!  Then, of course, I stepped on a walnut and twisted my ankle.  Not serious, just enough to piss me off.

Now?  I am officially DEAD tired.  Exhausted… pooped…

But still, sticking two 7:50s back to back in the middle of a 6 mile run?  …priceless. Especially given all my bitching lately about being inconsistent.

Mr. (in)consistency

Distance: 6.66 mi

Miles to go: 1650

It seems I wake up every morning not knowing how I am going to feel.  I hit the trail with apprehension at a time when I feel I should be reaching cautious optimism.  My running friends are well into their marathon training so they are fast, fit and impatient with my progress, so I usually end up running alone.  It just seems like one thing after another and I keep saying “Once I get over (insert plague, broken bone, etc) I will be able to get back into it… but I’m really getting tired of those “inserts”.

Once again, this morning, I was teased by the old me.  On a course with a hilly middle and a big downhill at the end I slowly increased my speed all the way through the run from a starting mile of 8:55 to a last mile of 7:50 (yes… on the downhill part…) with an overall average of 8:34.

I guess my first goals in my re-re-recovery should really be consistency of effort and improved base fitness.  If I can just run like I did this morning for a few more weeks, I think my fitness level will start to improve and I can begin to stretch out my mileage again.  Right now, running anything over 8 miles seems to do more harm than good.  But the greater issue seems to be consistency for me.  I haven’t run the same time twice in 6 months and I seem to have lost my internal sense of pace.  Over the last week I have run 4 times and have run 10:17, 9:10, 9:55 and now 8:34.  Nearly a two minute swing in the span of a weeks worth of runs.  It’s hard to know which me will show up for the run.

I guess all I can do is just keep running and hope that it will work itself out.  For now, 4 days a week is plenty, given that I am riding my bike 2-3 days a week to work as well.  I know this will all work itself out soon, but I’m not happy unless I’m bitching about something, so I guess I’m happy…!  And on a completely self centered and absolutely unrelated note… I want a Vespa…

A midsummer gift

Distance: 6.5 mi

Miles To go: 1656

I guess I cashed in my karma points today.  Somebody must have heard all of the cheering and urging on I did at the race this morning and decided to give me a reward.  Because in the middle of July, in the middle of America, on a day that should have been well into the 90s and miserably muggy… I got a gift.  A front passed through this afternoon and gave us a little ran and, more importantly, dropped the temperature to a luxuriously comfortable 67 degrees.  It was yummy.  I had planned on running just over 5 miles but it felt so good I added another mile and a quarter because I know how lucky I was.  I doubt seriously it will be this cool again for another 2-3 months.  So to whoever was watching today and decided to be kind to a fat, old man… thanks.  It was wonderful.